“I’m just not interested in sex any more”. In painful contrast, of course, to thousands of others who seem to be making out like bandits all the time. You’ve tried X-rated videos, reading the Kama Sutra cover to cover and sideways, too — but nothing seems to get your gonads excited anymore. Libido is what makes us want to have sex in the first place, and if you don’t care one way or the other — though you wish you cared — there’s a long list of possible reasons why your sex drive may have shifted into low gear.The sex hormone that’s responsible for desire or arousal in both, men and women, is testosterone. It is produced in both sexes, beginning from infancy, but increases dramatically around the age of eight or nine; then, during the teenage years, levels stabilise in girls, but continue to increase in boys (in Whom it is also responsible for sex characteristics such as facial hair and a deepening of the voice). Adult men produce about 10 times the amount as adult women. However, as long as some testosterone is present, the vigour of your sex drive does not depend so greatly on how much testosterone your body is producing.What does make a bigger difference is whether you’re with the right partner, in the right mood and the right setting, and whether your libido is not depresssed by causes that can range from the menstrual cycle to recent illness.Most people with low sexual desire are “wired together” correctly, that is, they are physiologically capable of sexual function — it’s just that they are “not interested”. Sometimes they may feel an actual aversion for sex. Among the snags that can trip up desire:Previous sexual trauma such as a clumsy, brutal claiming of “marital rights” by a husband on the wedding night. Many men do not only regard the wedding night as an occasion solely geared to their sexual gratification, but even imagine that as long as they are satisfied their wives will be satisfied too. When his virtual rape does not ignite any fires for his wife, it’s put down by such a man to frigidity. But a woman who has been sexually traumatised on her first night can have her ardour dampened for all the years of her marriage.Anxiety and fears. Severe irrational fears, often arisingfrom faulty conditioning, can cause an aversion to sex. Both,men and women, can be affected by fears. The fear of appearing entirely in the nude before an opposite-sex person, the fear of seeing an opposite-sex person in the nude, the fear of whether you will “do it right”, or please him/her, the fear of AIDS, the fear of an unwanted pregnancy. The list of potential anxieties, phobias and terrors is endless. And they are all anathema to arousal. Some people fear that their sex drive will decline with the passing of the years. But this is not necessarily true; rather, it is the mistaken conviction that your libido will decrease that often sets up the anxiety which can translate into reality if you obsess on it too long.Depression is one of the most common causes of low libido, especially in women.A particular kind of depression known as post-partum depression often sets in after a woman has given birth to a baby. It is quite common for sexual desire to be dampened during this period. (Sometimes, though, it is not post-partum depression, but the stress of coping with the new demands that causes libido problems during this time.)Unresolved anger or conflicts. Sex does not take place in a vacuum. If you are seething with hidden anger, resentment or hostility toward your partner because of deep-rooted marital problems, you cannot possibly feel turned on by him or her.Poor sexual technique. Even love and loyalty are, in the end, not enough to keep you sexually interested in a partner who’s too clumsy and fumbling under the covers, too ignorant of sexual technique to excite you.Loss of attraction. Over the years, both, men and women can find that their partner is no longer attractive to them. Often, they are reluctant to face up to this fact, and instead try to plumb the depths for other plausible-sounding reasons for their declining interest.Poor body image or self-esteem. Real or imagined physical imperfections can make many women especially feel undesirable. As a woman ages and begins to lose her youthful looks and beauty, she may become increasingly anxious about her appearance — from facial wrinkles to thinning hair. This can translate into a lack of sexual self-confidence which itself can depress arousal.Similarly, although mastectomy (the surgical removal of all or part of a woman’s breast as a cancer treatment) does not affect her capability for sexual response, she herself may feel a loss of sexual desire … and of being desired.Hormonal imbalances. Anything that alters the balance of your sex hormones can lower libido. In women, this includes the contraceptive pill, pregnancy, breast-feeding, menopause, a hysterectomy (surgical removal of the uterus), oophorectomy (surgical removal of the ovaries).Pituitary tumours can produce excessive amounts of prolactin which suppresses the production of testosterone and can affect not only libido but also potency in a man.Medications. There’s a whole range of drugs out there that can lower libido in both, men and women. They include certain blood pressure medications, cholesterol-lowering drugs, some tranquillizers and anti-depressants, anti-ulcer drugs.Alcohol and street drugs can also affect libido over time.*142\332\2*
Fasting, starvation diets, and other forms of very low calorie diets (VLCDs) have been shown to cause significant health risks. Typically, depriving the body of food for prolonged periods causes it to make adjustments to prevent the shutdown of organs. The body begins to deplete its energy reserves to obtain necessary fuels. One of the first reserves the body turns to in order to maintain its supply of glucose is lean, protein tissue. As this occurs, weight is lost rapidly because protein contains only half as many calories per pound as fat. At the same time, significant water stores are lost. Over time, the body begins to run out of liver tissue, heart muscle, blood, and so on, as these readily available substances are burned to supply energy. Only after the readily available proteins from these sources are depleted will the body begin to burn fat reserves. In this process, known as ketosis, the body adapts to prolonged fasting or carbohydrate deprivation by converting body fat to ketones, which can be used as fuel for some brain cells. Within about 10 days after the typical adult begins a complete fast, the body will have used many of its energy stores and death may occur.
In very low calorie diets, powdered formulas are usually given to patients under medical supervision. These formulas have daily values of from 400 to 700 calories plus vitamin and mineral supplements. Although these diets may be beneficial for people who have failed at all conventional weight-loss methods and who face severe threats to health that are complicated by their obesity, they should never be undertaken without strict medical supervision. Problems associated with fasting, VLCDs, and other forms of severe calorie deprivation include blood sugar imbalances, cold intolerance, constipation, decreased BMR, dehydration, diarrhea, emotional problems, fatigue, headaches, heart irregularity, ketosis, kidney infections and failure, loss of lean body tissue, weakness, and eventual weight gain due to the yo-yo effect and other variables.
*23/277/5*
How Much should One Exercise?
It should be enough to make a difference. It should be of sufficient duration, intensity and frequency, for one to expend at least 1200 calories/week. If one’s exercise is less intense, it burns fewer calories, so one needs to do it for a longer period or if chooses more intensive exercise like running or jogging one will need less time to expend the same calories.
For example: Body weight = 170 lb, use of stationary bike one will expend 0.070 cal/lb/minute. 170 lb x 0.070 cal/lb/minute = 12 cal/minute. To burn 1200 cal/week you need to ride the bike for (1200 cal: 12 cal) 100 minutes/week, i.e., 25 minutes/4 times a week.
The energy expenditure of 1200 cal/week is minimum level of exercise and the goal of maximum should be 2000 cal/week.
A long low intensity workout is equivalent to a short high intensity workout.
Achieving Sufficient Intensity
It is sufficient if one is slightly out of breath the entire period of the exercise or one should determine ones target heart rate.
One should learn to measure the heart rate that is one’s pulse. 220 minus one’s age is ones maximum heart rate. At the beginning one’s target heart rate should be 70% of one’s maximum heart rate, e.g., for a 40 year old. Maximum heart rate = 220 – 40 = 180.
70% of 180 is 126. After more experience one can increase one’s target heart rate to 80-85% of one’s maximum rate, i.e., up to 155.
All exercises should be done before meals and no meal should be taken at least one hour prior to exercise.
*5/356/5*
Dr. Alan Goodsitt of Northwestern University describes the job beautifully:
Therapists are many things. They are parents, guides, teachers, and coaches. They make themselves available as committed, caring professionals. They are involved. They relate. They encourage, cajole, and exhort. They provide their expert knowledge and experience to relate to another person, to use sound judgment, and help the patient integrate her thoughts, feelings, and actions. They empathically anticipate and care about the patient’s experience. They patiently explain and clarify her thinking about significant issues. Because they know there are good reasons for her behavior and feelings, they do not criticize or belittle her defensive adaptation but at the same time they truthfully acknowledge her present shortcomings. Most important, they are the carriers of hope for the future of the patient.
My first words to the patient-”How may I help?”-tell her that I am on her side. We’ll work together to learn how she sees the world and what we can do to make her life better.
I use my intuition to figure out what the patient’s “inner voice” is saying to her. If I can help her articulate those thoughts, I will open a window into her mind, a window through which we both can look. I know, too, that she may come into therapy frightened and suspicious. I try to communicate that I understand her fears. I show her I will listen to what she has to say-listen in a way perhaps no one else ever has.
Exploring this “dark side” freely, guided by a supportive and nonjudgmental therapist, can be a powerful new experience for the patient, an experience that in itself helps the patient change and grow.
As a teacher, I try to supply the patient with the information she needs to plan healthy meals and to eat properly. As coach, I help her set goals for herself, encourage her to meet those goals, and support her when she fails. As her “parent,” I help her deal with the feelings that she originally developed toward her own mother and father and that are now “transferred” onto me. We may work on her wishes for someone to take care of her, her fears about growing up, her anger and shame about events from her childhood.
How do we know when therapy has done its job? One way is that the patient shows she can maintain normal weight and eating habits. She reports feeling more comfortable in relationships with others, especially her peers, and can solve problems in inventive new ways, without falling back on her old habits. She gains an enhanced sense of personal freedom and the ability to take responsibility for her choices in life.
Of equal importance is that she feels strongly rooted in her new personality-an identity that is no longer defined by her symptoms or by her enmeshment with other people. The work she began in therapy proceeds after therapy ends, as she continues to evolve and to meet life’s new challenges.
*86/35/5*
For better or worse, newlyweds Charlene and Eric Sutherland vowed to lose weight together. They just didn’t anticipate how much fun it would be.
At a total of 480 pounds—200 pounds for her, 280 pounds for him—Charlene and Eric had resigned themselves to being hefty. “We’d been heavy all of our lives, and diets never worked, so we stopped taking our weight problem seriously,” Charlene recalls.
Still, as Christmas 1997 rolled around, the 24-year-old Toronto couple dreaded their families’ weight-directed comments that were sure to come. So they bought a scale. Shocked by what it said, they felt that they needed to lose weight. This time, they would try exercise.
But a dilemma surfaced instantly. “We really wanted to do this together. We just didn’t see eye-to-eye on how—not at first, anyway Charlene says. “I like aerobics and lifting weights, but I hate gyms. I wanted to work out in front of the TV. But Eric gets bored. He’s more of a sports guy.”
Fortunately, the newlyweds found a creative compromise: dancing. In reminiscing about his dancing days with friends, Eric remembered that cutting a rug had cut back his weight during his university days.
But neither Charlene nor Eric wanted to return to the smoky bar scene, so they transformed their living room into a dance hall. Pushing aside the coffee table, the duo jammed to the fast-paced tunes of their favorite 1980s and 1990s bands for an hour every night.
“Dancing satisfied Eric’s need to do something interesting and my need to avoid health clubs,” Charlene explains. Their team approach worked so well that they decided to apply it to their eating habits. Together, they gave up junk food and soda, and they trimmed the fat content of their meals.
A year later and a collective 115 pounds lighter, this couple is ready to resize their wedding rings.
WINNING ACTION
Drop pounds as a pair. If your spouse needs to slim down, too, why not do it together? It will be more fun, and it may bring you even closer together. Dancing is an ideal activity for couples, but if it doesn’t appeal to you or your spouse, find something that you both like. Compare lists of your favorite activities or browse class offerings at your local YMCA or health club to see if something piques your and your spouse’s interest
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