“I’m just not interested in sex any more”. In painful contrast, of course, to thousands of others who seem to be making out like bandits all the time. You’ve tried X-rated videos, reading the Kama Sutra cover to cover and sideways, too — but nothing seems to get your gonads excited anymore. Libido is what makes us want to have sex in the first place, and if you don’t care one way or the other — though you wish you cared — there’s a long list of possible reasons why your sex drive may have shifted into low gear.The sex hormone that’s responsible for desire or arousal in both, men and women, is testosterone. It is produced in both sexes, beginning from infancy, but increases dramatically around the age of eight or nine; then, during the teenage years, levels stabilise in girls, but continue to increase in boys (in Whom it is also responsible for sex characteristics such as facial hair and a deepening of the voice). Adult men produce about 10 times the amount as adult women. However, as long as some testosterone is present, the vigour of your sex drive does not depend so greatly on how much testosterone your body is producing.What does make a bigger difference is whether you’re with the right partner, in the right mood and the right setting, and whether your libido is not depresssed by causes that can range from the menstrual cycle to recent illness.Most people with low sexual desire are “wired together” correctly, that is, they are physiologically capable of sexual function — it’s just that they are “not interested”. Sometimes they may feel an actual aversion for sex. Among the snags that can trip up desire:Previous sexual trauma such as a clumsy, brutal claiming of “marital rights” by a husband on the wedding night. Many men do not only regard the wedding night as an occasion solely geared to their sexual gratification, but even imagine that as long as they are satisfied their wives will be satisfied too. When his virtual rape does not ignite any fires for his wife, it’s put down by such a man to frigidity. But a woman who has been sexually traumatised on her first night can have her ardour dampened for all the years of her marriage.Anxiety and fears. Severe irrational fears, often arisingfrom faulty conditioning, can cause an aversion to sex. Both,men and women, can be affected by fears. The fear of appearing entirely in the nude before an opposite-sex person, the fear of seeing an opposite-sex person in the nude, the fear of whether you will “do it right”, or please him/her, the fear of AIDS, the fear of an unwanted pregnancy. The list of potential anxieties, phobias and terrors is endless. And they are all anathema to arousal. Some people fear that their sex drive will decline with the passing of the years. But this is not necessarily true; rather, it is the mistaken conviction that your libido will decrease that often sets up the anxiety which can translate into reality if you obsess on it too long.Depression is one of the most common causes of low libido, especially in women.A particular kind of depression known as post-partum depression often sets in after a woman has given birth to a baby. It is quite common for sexual desire to be dampened during this period. (Sometimes, though, it is not post-partum depression, but the stress of coping with the new demands that causes libido problems during this time.)Unresolved anger or conflicts. Sex does not take place in a vacuum. If you are seething with hidden anger, resentment or hostility toward your partner because of deep-rooted marital problems, you cannot possibly feel turned on by him or her.Poor sexual technique. Even love and loyalty are, in the end, not enough to keep you sexually interested in a partner who’s too clumsy and fumbling under the covers, too ignorant of sexual technique to excite you.Loss of attraction. Over the years, both, men and women can find that their partner is no longer attractive to them. Often, they are reluctant to face up to this fact, and instead try to plumb the depths for other plausible-sounding reasons for their declining interest.Poor body image or self-esteem. Real or imagined physical imperfections can make many women especially feel undesirable. As a woman ages and begins to lose her youthful looks and beauty, she may become increasingly anxious about her appearance — from facial wrinkles to thinning hair. This can translate into a lack of sexual self-confidence which itself can depress arousal.Similarly, although mastectomy (the surgical removal of all or part of a woman’s breast as a cancer treatment) does not affect her capability for sexual response, she herself may feel a loss of sexual desire … and of being desired.Hormonal imbalances. Anything that alters the balance of your sex hormones can lower libido. In women, this includes the contraceptive pill, pregnancy, breast-feeding, menopause, a hysterectomy (surgical removal of the uterus), oophorectomy (surgical removal of the ovaries).Pituitary tumours can produce excessive amounts of prolactin which suppresses the production of testosterone and can affect not only libido but also potency in a man.Medications. There’s a whole range of drugs out there that can lower libido in both, men and women. They include certain blood pressure medications, cholesterol-lowering drugs, some tranquillizers and anti-depressants, anti-ulcer drugs.Alcohol and street drugs can also affect libido over time.*142\332\2*
